We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
