If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize