I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
