I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
