I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize