You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
