went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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