This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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