No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
