I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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