My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
