Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize