its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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