So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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