Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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