Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
