I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
