Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
