the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
