I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
