i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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