; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
