Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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