Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
