I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i barfeds in our rink
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
