i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
