why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize