I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
