I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
