think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize