Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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