the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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