you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
