She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
