thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
