i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Green mimosas i think yes
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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