Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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