like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Randomize
