all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
