So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize