It's a beautiful day for a hangover
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
