she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Come see our sink grown plant.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
