I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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