he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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