Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
