i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize