for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
