The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
