we have officially lost it.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
