i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
