i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
