u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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