So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
