is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
