toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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