you turned your livingroom into a bong?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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