i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Randomize
