Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
That accounts for only three of the penises
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
