She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Randomize
