you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
