man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
