I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
