genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize