i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
