didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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